Back to reality... hmmm or am i?!

Hi everyone, sorry it's been a while... quite a while in fact!

So my French adventure has come to an abrupt end. I'm still unsure of how i feel about this, on the one hand it is fantastic to be home with my family and friends, living life as it used to be. The problem being that life here is the same whilst i feel i have changed a lot and I'm not entirely sure we are in sync at the moment. Yet on the other hand, i am missing everyone in Bordeaux greatly! I didn't realize how much i had adapted to the French way of living (and eating!) until i came home and it suddenly dawned on me that the Bordeaux adventure was over....at least for the time being.

It's all such a 'catch 22' situation, whichever of the above scenarios i dream of, i will always be held back because of other factors relating to the other scenario... i just can't cope with decisions at all!

And speaking of decisions, i am currently having a moment of uncertainty. After coming back from my year teaching in France i am still no more clearer on whether i would like to teach or not. Which then leads me to the dreaded question; "what do i want to do with my life/career?" to which my answer is simply; "who knows!". Not exactly the most assuring answer really.

So i have been taking the time to think of my possible opportunities, or even more simply my possible 'dream jobs', having come up with a shortlist i felt i would be much more clearer on my career intentions... oh how wrong i was!

The options: So of course there is and always will be teaching stuck in the back of my mind, but do i really want to do this? The fact i am still questioning myself after teaching for all this time does plant a growing suspicion of doubt in my head. Another thought i have been having, (again since i was 10 thanks to TV crime shows) is joinging to Police. Now i am aware this is completely different to my origonal plan, so you can see where i am beginning to confuse myself already with my choices! This just seems like a very exciting and adventurous job, every day proving to be just as challenging as the next, never knowing whats around the corner, or who! Ok so two options so far....ready for the next one? Writing... for a newspaper or magazine, something funny and quirky (even though i doubt i am either of these things!) the problem here is that i have no idea about how to even get into something like this, and what to write, where to write it and more importantly....do i have the ability and skills to be a good writer/journalist/editor!!! (i would just like to point out that at this stage my head is already thumping and i am just writing these ideas down on my virtual piece of paper!) So finally we come to my last dwindling dream.... translation(preferably with the police or something exciting like that...) but of course we come across another hurrdle, i only speak French(even then, am i fluent enough to do such a job?) and i am aware that there aren't that many french criminals roaming the streets of Scotland...or are there?! If so please direct all my way!

So there you have it...my once cheerful blog about my adventures in France seem to have come to a halt for the time being and are being increasingly overtaken by my inability to decide on a career. I would just like to remind you all (as well as myself) that i do have another two years left of my degree in English and French, yet i feel that these two years will just run right by me, leaving me stranded with a degree and no idea on what to do! So if anyone out there has any idea...no matter how wild, stick 'em on a postcard would you and sent them to the following address: Miss Completely confused, confused lane, Scotland!

Good times...and the bad!

I must say that i really do love it in Bordeaux. I have amazing friends and i have gotten to know some amazing people. I know that i am going to miss is here, yet i find myself wishing away the days until I'm back home with family and friends. It is difficult to imagine that in less that 6 weeks, (2 of which i wont actually be teaching) that i will be leaving this part of my life behind. It's been good, it's been bad and at some points it really has been terrible! BUT...it has been amazing!

I had my first 'really' bad experience with a class the other day and whilst i know not to take it to heart, as the kids simply just don't seem to care with whatever teacher they have, i mostly felt disappointment. Not for myself, but for the kids. They have this amazing chance in life to achieve all that they can, to better themselves and to prove everyone and their judgments wrong, but they are blowing it. The sad thing is that they will later grow up to realise what could have been.

As my time comes to an end with the kids i am struggling to come up with ideas on what to do with them in class. Whilst i have many idea, it is more that i want to give them the best classes yet and make their time with me memorable. I have so many wonderful kids at the schools and it has been an absolute pleasure teaching them.

I also want to make the most of my last weeks in France, exploring more and taking pictures along the way. I already have so many amazing memories through the little adventures i have been on and those i have been on them with. Only yesterday i went to St.Emilion, just for a little day trip and it was amazing. Myself and two other friends (teachers from the college) went for a good walk around, tried some wine, some macaroons and just thoroughly had a brilliant time.

Me and Odile having a little drink in St.Emilion :D

I can't wait for more amazing adventures with all of these amazing people!! Don't worry...i will let you in on the adventures too ;)

Is that the Sun i spot in the sky?!?!

Well we have had two days of glorious sunshine here in Bordeaux and i am almost tempted to believe that the weather is going to start picking up from here on in! Is this a possibility or just wishful thinking! Unfortunately i think it is probably the latter!

However, it is going to get better soon and i can't wait for it! Back to the way it used to be, Picnics in 'Jardin Public' again with the girls (minus the ridiculously expensive cheese this time), coffee outside a cafe soaking up the sun, eating tea outside at 8 o'clock, with no coat on!! Those were some of my best times in Bordeaux and i CANNOT wait for it to come around again.

Taking advantage of the wonderful weather yesterday, myself and Lisa(another English assistant) went and tested the newest addition to the city of Bordeaux the 'vCUB'. Thats right Bordeaux now has its very own set of bikes to rent scattered around the city. And i have to say it wasn't all that bad! If you forget about the fact that cycle lanes just tend to stop in the middle of the road and you are left to fight it out with the cars and the buses then it was a success. We had a wonderful cycle around Bordeaux, getting lost along the way but hey ho, that's all part of the experience. Right?! I also realised that i hadn't been on a bike in a rather long time...who said you never forget how to ride a bike? As i would beg to differ! Overall, a wonderful day spent though...

The sun is once again shining today and whilst i feel i should take advantage of this while i can, i am also rather aware of the fact that school is starting back up on Monday and (of course) i have no lesson plans prepared for my classes yet. So I'm thinking I'm just going to open the windows and let the sun shine in whilst i figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the little rascals. (granted, some aren't that little!)

What do i really make of France?!

I am aware that it has been a long time since my last post, for that i apologise! But i must say i have been having a wonderful time in France.

Just the other day i was having an insightful conversation with my friend Michael, over breakfast on his balcony in Avignon. (who says life as an assistant is hard eh!) We were contemplating the 'what if's'. What if we had stayed on at uni for 3rd year? what if we had never came to France? What if we had never met those people? And i must admit, i was shocked by the answers...

I had once considered not coming to France for the year abroad, a mixture of fear of the unknown and being away from the known, and i was thoroughly terrified of what lay ahead. However, i have since realised that it was definitely one of the best decisions i have made in my short life to date! I can't imagine my life at the moment without my Bordolaise life and those amazing people in it. Whilst almost every day i spend a fraction of my time thinking about home and what would have been had i stayed at home, i now realise that my time here in France has only helped me towards becoming the person that i want to be in life. Someone that is not afraid to make mistakes, (and believe me i have made a lot since my time here) but is learning from each mistake made and taking that next step towards become that adult that everyone encourages you to be! Being in France has also made me realise how much i do love the French language, and that it does play a very big role in my life and i would very much like it to continue like that. I often wonder what i would be doing or what my life would be like had i not continued with my interest for the language...less stressful i would imagine!! I jest! But in answer to all of the questions asked on that balcony in Avignon i would have to say that i have no regrets, and i think the most important question is, 'what if i had never came to France?'! I would never have encountered all of the wonderful people that i have done on my travels and in Bordeaux, i would never have experienced the French culture first hand, i would never have partied with Frenchies all night long, i would never have achieved the level of French that i have at the moment, i would never have experienced the French education system! But more importantly i would never have been able to have as much confidence in myself as i do now. I know that i am capable of so much more than i once thought, i just needed to prove it to myself. And for that i definitely have France to thank!

So for that France, i will be eternally grateful!

Until next time y'all!